If you're all shaken up inside and life happens, then you're going to get a different result than if you have some ability to calm yourself and to understand your experience, to know that you contribute to it, and that the nuances are in your control.
It's one thing to kind of know these things and say, "Oh sure, I think I contribute to my experience", because you think it but don't know it in your soul, it's possible to go through life in this way where you kind of half participate because you get it in your brain but you don't yet get it in your heart. And you get it in your brain, but you don't yet get it in your life. And you get it in your brain because you know that that's got to be true. It feels like it's true, but you don't yet know how to change what's happening in your life, how to make an impact in your own life.
So I want to give you an example. Maybe this is the first time that I really, really got it. I know that it made a profound impact on me when I decided so, here it is... I worked for a company where I had a boss, I had a long standing working relationship with this person that was good. But there was a period of time when my boss came in every day and micromanaged everything that I did and everything that my entire staff did. Each day she came in and in effect said, "it's not good enough. It's not good enough. It's not good enough." Over and over again in so many different ways.
So after experiencing that for a while and trying to uplift my staff, trying to remind them that they're in charge of how they react and that puts them in charge of of their reality. They didn't feel like they were in charge of their reality. It felt like somebody came in and pissed on them every day. They let me know that I could save the pep-talk because this job sucked. And they were right.
It felt like that to me too. So one day I decided to put some power behind my pep-talk. To really put a plan into action. I said to myself, "I'm going to put all this belief, all this talk that I had been talking about. (Same as I'm talking to you today.) I'm going to put it into action." From that point forward, I took one simple exercise and I did it every day. I drove to work a half an hour and I drove home a half an hour and every day during the half an hour, I visualized my boss and I said to myself, these very specific words, With intention, I pictured my boss's face the entire way to work and the entire way home repeated these words, which really are so simple: I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.
That was a hard thing to say. I did not "love" in that moment, but I kept that picture of my boss in my head and I kept saying it until it was true. And it took a while... it took a while for me to impact my own reality. But maybe a week or 10 days later, one of my staff came to me and said, "What did you do?" And I was like, "I don't know what you're talking about. What do you mean, what did I do?" He said to me, the big boss doesn't treat you the same way that she did two weeks ago. What is happening? She was pissing on everybody. Now she doesn't piss on you. She only pisses on on rest of us." He was convinced I brokered some sort of deal with my boss to stop harassing me but not my employees!
I guess in a way, I did. I changed the nature of our interaction by changing my own vibrations, my emotions. By changing how I felt in general, less angry, upset, and victimized, I was no longer a match to the abuse.
So, "What happened? What did you do?" is an inside job. When I worked on me, I got in the driver's seat of my own boat. I became in charge of my experience. In fact, I was in charge the whole time but because I was focused on what was going wrong, I kept getting more of what was going wrong.
And that's what I want to talk to you about: if you really, really understand this and you really believe so deeply that you "know" that you are in some way in charge of your experience, that you have an impact, that what happens in your internal life has an impart pact on your external life, then you will know without a doubt that you can make a difference in your experience. And if you know that without a doubt, then you can find the tools that you need to go from where you are to where you want to be.