It may sound a bit out there but stick with me. Figure out how to help improve your relationships can make a huge difference in how you feel, how you sleep, even how much you drink and eat. This simple skill can help you get started on turning down the “ick” factor.
Finding ways to reframe and rephrase helps!
It seems simple and hokey, I know, but it works. Seriously, this helps on a multitude of levels. Rephrasing, particularly before you have actually said anything to the person with whom you want to speak is a powerful skill. So, normally when people talk about rephrasing, they mean, try to soften to impact, soften the blow, of what you want to communicate. But here I suggest that you take it a step or two further.
Try to rephrase in your mind in a more positive, compassionate or kind fashion a few times before you speak. What I mean is, see if you can get all the way from what you DO NOT want to what you DO want. This will take a little practice but it is well worth it.
Now really try something different. Try change the way you think about the news you are delivering, in other words, reframe.
Take an extra 10 seconds (or 30 if you have) and actually feel the positive version of your news. So that you not only are using different words, but you actually mean them. Your intention counts here, so if you can’t find the perfect words, do this step first and then go back to step one. That’s right, set your intention of being kind, caring, appreciative, compassionate or positive, let that settle in your body for a minute and then let the right words fill in.
Once you have really go this easily, you will quickly reframe and rephrase, and before you know it you will find that fewer and fewer of your potentially uneasy conversations end in conflict and discomfort.
Give it a try and let me know how it goes.