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The First Key To Repairing Relationships

What is the starting point for repairing relationships?

by Donnalynn Riley

Often when my clients come to me they have issues that are unpleasant in their relationships. Some easily adjusted, some quite difficult. But regardless of the problems, there is a starting point that you can do to get the ball rolling: appreciation.
Now, when I say that often people think large gestures, flowers, presents, etc. The real question you should ask yourself is, “am I treating this person as well as I would treat a stranger?” This is an extremely important assessment. Many times, relationships that have developed difficulties have also degraded in their day to day interactions. This simple change can be the Key to opening the lines of communication and repairing relationships.
As you are trying to figure out how to improve your relationships, developing a comprehensive program to address the root of the problem is important. But in the meantime, here is a tip that will act as a stop-gap until you are able to work with a mentor or coach to put together a long-lasting solution to the deeper issues.
Doing something nice helps!
Whether it is your vendors, collaborators,employees, or even your lover, small appreciative actions (with no expectation that they will respond) really help. A random cup of coffee, getting the materials from the printer and handing them off as you walk by, or even just a post-it of appreciation “good day today” or “nice point earlier”. These kinds of simple efforts, direct connections, that we make can create an emotional and physiological change in the recipient that promotes relaxation, health and well-being. I am sure it is not a big stretch for you from there that it is much easier to be in relationship with people who have ease and well-being.
It is essential that you don’t forget the second part of showing appreciation: giving WITHOUT EXPECTATION. This is the part that frees you from being stuck AND creates incredible results. When you give the complement, or cup of coffee, or be supportive… there can be no expectation that the relationship changed or is repaired in any way. You MUST give freely in order for this to have a positive impact. In fact, if you allow some expectation of reciprocity to slip into the experience, it can have devastating results. It can lead to the other person feeling tricked, fooled and even to think you are manipulative. This can be explosive.
So however you choose to express your appreciation, make sure you are genuine and respectful!
There are many nuances to using acknowledgement and appreciation in repairing relationships over multiple contexts that can activate specific reactions in the relationships you wish to improve. This tip is a general technique. It is not meant as an answer to every problem you encounter. However, as you do make time in your life for this, find a way to get calm and centered in yourself. Quiet the inner voices that may chatter and make this simple gesture.
This approach has a POSITIVE IMPACT. 
Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Need Help With This?

If you would like help creating a plan for lasting change, just click the link below and book in a free call with me and together we can determine the best plan.


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These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. 
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