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Where Does It All Start?

Every success, every problem... where do they really start?

by Donnalynn Riley

As we go through a day, it seems like all of the success and failure is heavily influenced by luck, timing and everyone else's mood.

What if everything doesn't start with those outside circumstances but actually starts with you? A little trite, right? But what if it really starts with you?

What if your experience in the world starts with you? It doesn't feel like it starts with you, right? It feels like other people come up to you and say things and do things and outside influences have a huge impact on your life. And that's what it feels like all the time. But what if just for a few minutes, you said to yourself, "I believe that everything actually starts with me." The whole world would shift for you, wouldn't it?

This shift in perspective can be hard to take. It may not feel good, but it would be really different than where you probably are right now. Often people like to argue about the limitations of this concept but just for a few minutes, stick with me while I tell you a little story.

So what happened for me to make that shift in my life is that I was overweight (I'm still overweight, a little) but I was overweight and I was really self conscious about it. Where I worked at the time, there was a lunch room and I would go into the lunch room every day to eat my lunch and other people would be there.

Somehow the conversation would always come back to what should you eat to lose weight? Or how do you lose weight or what I'm doing recently to lose weight by, by that I don't mean me, I mean other people in the room, what current diet we're on, why, how it works... And everybody seemed to be lecturing me all the time and one day I was thought, "I can't take it anymore. I don't know why they keep saying this to me. I don't know why. I don't know. I mean really honestly, am I that fat that everybody has to talk to me about it all the freaking time? No!"

It felt like my self conception was so bad that I believed that all of that was happening because I was such a sort of blight on the world,... that I couldn't be in the same room with somebody while they were eating without them thinking, "gosh, I really should tell this girl how to eat because clearly she doesn't know how to do it".

It was really, really uncomfortable and it was totally kind of normal. 

We live in a society that supports the idea that you can't impact how others treat you. I had asked everyone to stop talking about it - no effect. I had gotten upset - no effect. I had even left the room without a word - absolutely no effect. Next day, same song.

One day I decided, no matter what anybody said to me ever in that situation, I was just not going to respond

I was just going to shut my mouth and calm my body because I was so tired of being frustrated. I was really tired of feeling judged and so I just decided no more. If I can't find something to talk about that has nothing to do with health or weight or exercise or diet or breathing or any of it, then I'm not talking. Just zero talking, and zero thinking about it loudly. It was such an interesting thing. I don't think it was three days before nobody talked to me about it again ever again.

Nobody ever talked to me about it again. 

I had told them like a thousand times before that, stop talking to me about this. I really don't want to talk about my weight. I really don't want to talk about this and that. Not a thing. I really did. I had told them I had tried to school them. I had tried to get them to fit into my conception of what I wanted my world to be and the more I told them to stop it, the more it came up. It was awful. Right? But within three days, just shutting my mouth, just not responding. And in three days, the whole topic dried up. Nobody ever talked to me about it again.

The results were so profound and so fast that I continued to work on myself. 

I continued to deepen my understanding that it all really does start with me. So what am I going to do about me? What am I going to do about my self-conception? What am I going to do about the fact that I'm the one judging me? I'm the one bringing it on to me. Right?
That was a long time ago and a lot of understanding ago. 

The big lesson that I took away from that moment is: you have to continue to work on yourself. 

In fact, I am the only one worth working on because when I work on me I get results that I can not get when I focus on other people. When I work on everybody else, I get results that I are often the opposite of my intention.  

The thing is that society kind of sets it up, right? We tell kids from when you're really little that you don't have any control over anything. We tell them to listen to adults who know best and don't listen to yourself, to do the things that the teacher tells you to do and to defer to the opinion of an adult about your own knowing. 

There's this thing that happens on the inside of that child, who we all were at one time, that sort of makes you feel like you have no control over anything. 

It is a part of our culture. It's a part of our world, our outer world, our "current reality". And most people believe it. They believe they have to go to a job that they don't like in order to make money. And they believe that they have to put up with the screaming children in order to have children. And they believe that they have to put up with some of the things their spouse does in order to have a spouse.

We've got it all backward, in fact, those things really aren't true, but it sure doesn't feel like it. It really isn't until you yourself in the driver's seat, then you get a whole different result. 
Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Need Help With This?

If you would like help creating a plan for lasting change, just click the link below and book in a free call with me and together we can determine the best plan.
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Donnalynn Riley |  Copyright ©2020  |  All Rights Reserved
These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. 
This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.